


Still Alive

by NicknameNotFound



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 18:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicknameNotFound/pseuds/NicknameNotFound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>« Tired. Had to ride all the way here. I heard a rumor you’d be off. Welcome back from wherever you were.» That had been Yuri’s self-explanatory, drowsy greeting. Letting out a sigh, Flynn had  wrapped his arms around Yuri and had fallen asleep, spending the first evening of his temporary freedom in dozing off with his nose filled with his best friend’s familiar, reassuring scent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by alicyana. _Immortals_ by Fall Out Boy kind of gave me a boost. Once again the biggest _Thank You_ goes to ziamshrine and suspiciouspopsicle ♥

He was woken up by the fragrant smell of freshly baked cinnamon bread and orange juice. Flynn opened his eyes slowly, still feeling heavy and a bit numb in his hips and legs. He breathed deeply against his pillow and blinked as his vision adjusted to the morning light. He was laying on his stomach, sheets messily gathered around his waist, one arm thrown beyond the edge of the bed and his hand hanging over the floor. He lazily blinked and shifted his dangling hand under the warmth of the pillow. A gentle breeze swelled the curtains barely hiding the large framed window of his room, thin grains of dust floating in midair as blades of sunlight slashed the white furniture and walls in neat, almost tangible flashes.

Still a bit confused, he felt the bed dipping at his side and the familiar touch of a hand gently reaching his shoulder. Calloused fingertips brushed his skin and glided down to his shoulder blades and back, outlining the shape of his body and muscles to his hip, leaving cool trails along their wake. He hummed in a low voice as he felt the first soft touch of lips, a slow peck pressed against the relaxed line of his neck, and the feather-like caress of silky hair tickling his spine.

« Good morning, Mr Commandant.» Yuri’s voice came husky and vibrant against Flynn’s ear in the dying sound of another small kiss, the circle of its heat still damp alongside his hairline. « Has his excellency slept well?» The next peck fell on top of his hair, Yuri’s breath gently heating his scalp between blonde, messy locks. Flynn drowsily groaned at that, still uncertain about trying to roll over and face the other or just stay still and let him continue with his unusual good morning kisses performance. He finally chose to enjoy Yuri’s unexpected tenderness, and hummed as another small kiss landed on his temple. He fought to take a hold of Yuri’s last playful question as he heard him murmur a small sound, demanding for an answer. He apparently wanted him to play along first thing in the morning. The knight slightly shrugged, slowly moving a leg under the sheets until his knee stuck out. The bed was big enough for him to comfortably sleep with somebody else at his side, but a certain _someone_ had been restless enough to make him almost fall from the mattress. Yuri had his answer. Flynn heard him softly snicker as he leant in to kiss his cheekbone.

« You didn’t look that much dissatisfied with this guildsman’s company last night,» he whispered, his lips touching Flynn’s nearest shoulder in a slow, insinuating smooch. He pressed his digits against his freckled arm, glided up along the shape of his muscles and reached a few scars. His nails grazed along the lighter, sensitive skin crossing the bend between his neck and shoulder. Flynn shivered, letting out a small sound of appreciation. The pressure of Yuri’s thumb and nails against his most sensitive spots slowly, gently steered him to full consciousness.

« I was not exactly complaining,» he mumbled, his voice low and sleepy as he stirred under the sheets and moved to lay on one side, his back sloping against Yuri’s body. The other man took up the chance and wrapped an arm around his waist, nuzzling his nose against the crook of his neck.

« A proper room service has been arranged to make amends,» he said, his voice excessively formal and deep. « Does knightly etiquette allow breakfast in bed? Or is that just for nobles?»

Flynn felt his chest heat up slightly, the smell of food filling his room taking him back to many mornings spent with Yuri in the Lower Quarter, sharing small loaves of bread until Flynn would discover the surprise at the end of the little straw basket, two cinnamon pastries with a pretty and neat frosting on top. Yuri would always beam, childishly bragging about how hard he had fought to obtain the ingredients from Hanks’ wife and how yummy they had turned out. He knew Flynn liked cinnamon – and he apparently still remembered it well. It had never been easy for people in the suburbs to obtain spices, and that was probably why, even now, Flynn still savored cinnamon flavored pastries as if he had been granted a special blessing.

Gratitude and fondness slowly inducing him to partly give up Yuri’s rare cuddly mood, he moved and slid until his back hit flat on the mattress again. He could finally meet Yuri’s gaze, his eyes half-lidded and filled with calm tenderness as he greeted him with a silent, good-humored smile and leant over him. Flynn’s hand reached his throat and skimmed to his neck, his thumb brushing the irregular darker spot of a hickey shadowing his pale skin just under his earlobe. His fingers curling around his nape, he gently pulled him down, drawing him closer for a kiss. Yuri immediately complied, the silky curtain of his hair falling from his shoulders like drapes to enclose them, dark against the whiteness of the pillow. They exchanged one, two, three slow kisses, soft brushes of lips that quietly ended in a suffocated smack and Flynn’s mouth curving in a delighted smirk. Yuri smelled of bakery, of crusty cakes still sprinkled with flour, a faint hint of toasted almonds still lingering on his hands.

« How come you’re such a caring sweetheart today?» Flynn asked. « Regretting your previous misdeeds?»

« What, I’m always caring. Excessively sweet, too.»

« Mh-mh.»

Yuri smiled and gently brushed his lips against his cheek. His voice was dense honey as he added:

« Don’t get too used to it.»

« Don’t worry, your toughness is not at all scarred.»

That made Yuri laugh briefly, the sound of it vibrating directly against Flynn’s hand.

« So, you wanna have your breakfast or not?» he teased, gently pulling away as soon as Flynn let him go. He was fully dressed already, with just his feet bare as he shifted on the bed and retrieved a wooden tray from the nearest night table. A black shadow brightened and made shiny by the spring morning light, he positioned the breakfast tray over Flynn’s legs, moving slowly, being careful not to rush things and spill something on the sheets. Sitting up, his back propped against the bed’s headboard, Flynn looked at the food. Yuri had arranged various plates of different sizes all over the tray, lodging two glasses and a cup in the remaining space. In addition to the inviting cinnamon bread, Yuri had brought him bitter marmalade stuffed pastries, a golden crepe with butter and dark chocolate syrup on top, beaten egg and bacon, a fair amount of fresh fruit, including blood oranges, black grapes and a banana. More than that, he had provided him with orange juice, water and a cup of coffee with a spot of milk, which was Flynn’s favorite. _I love you._ Those words popped in his mind spontaneously, but weren’t allowed to reach his lips. His eyes sparkling with grateful amazement, Flynn raised his gaze toward Yuri, questioning. His friend arched an eyebrow and offered a proud, lopsided smile.

« Of course, from my golden hands to your plate,» he assured, raising his arms to intertwine his own fingers on the back of his head. « I think the chief cook likes me. She let me stay when she found out, earlier.»

« Everything looks delicious.»

« Well, ‘cause it _is_ , Commandant.» Yuri preened, sniffing.

« Share it with me,» Flynn suggested, handing him the biggest piece of cinnamon bread. Grinning, Yuri grabbed the other end of the loaf and broke it in half. Lazily nibbling at it, he accepted everything Flynn would offer, commenting on how good it had turned out at every new bite of his handmade pastries. Flynn had nothing to complain about, and had his breakfast with an earnest sense of delight, a peace of mind he couldn’t just ascribe to how good everything tasted. He didn’t really recall the last time he had felt so relaxed and at ease. 

His excellency Ioder had granted the Commandant of the Imperial Knights a brief vacation, a couple of days to spend with all of his main duties being temporarily removed from his shoulders. Receiving that kind of favorable kindness had somehow made Flynn suspicious, at first; he had just come out of a rough month of strenuous contrasts with the Council, and being dismissed in such a way had alarmed him to the point of asking his Majesty to reconsider. The past weeks had made him nervous and physically tired in a way he was not sure had had ever experienced before – as much as Ioder’s concession had fallen upon him like an unexpected blessing, it had sounded to Flynn like an insulting insinuation, as if his Majesty had started thinking of him as incapable of his role.

Unaware of all of his worries, Ioder had just smiled, his kind manners earnest and respectful as they had always been. _You’ve been exerting yourself to the very limit, since the very day you’ve become Commandant. You don’t have to worry about anything, Flynn, the Empire owns you more than it realizes. I just think you earned yourself a few days of fresh air._ In the end, Flynn had humbly accepted with sincere, unbelieving gratitude.

Finding out that Yuri had climbed up to his room and had been expecting him in his chambers, spent and drowsy from his journey from Dahngrest, had been another pleasant surprise. Flynn had joined him on his bed, approaching the bundle of sheets he had carelessly enveloped himself into.

_Tired. Had to ride all the way here. I heard a rumor you’d be off. Welcome back from wherever you were._ That had been Yuri’s self-explanatory, sleepy, greeting.Thinking about how he had never actually believed in mere coincidences, Flynn had remembered walking in on Estellise and her cousin talking about something they had refused to reveal. Letting out a sigh, he had wrapped his arms around Yuri and had fallen asleep, spending the first evening of his temporary freedom in dozing off with his nose filled with his best friend’s familiar, reassuring scent.

Needless to say, that unscheduled nap had restored a fair amount of their energy. Yuri’s company had washed away all of his concerns, making him unmistakably aware of how much he had missed him during the past months. They had kept each other awake for a long while after midnight, forgetting about having dinner, and everything else. Flynn had soaked himself in Yuri and all the different ways of cherishing his presence at his side, and that had always been all he had ever needed to release unresolved tensions. Unexpected and unwanted as that official leave had looked to him at first, he had promised himself he would thank Estellise for her intercession – the princess had a special talent in perceiving how much Flynn needed Yuri, even when he himself was too busy to actually focus on how it deeply hurt to be apart from him.

Having emptied the tray, Flynn carefully pushed it aside, sliding back under the sheets to lie on the bed. As soon as his lap had been freed from every possible obstacle, he proceeded in grabbing the neck of Yuri’s shirt, pulling him closer until his friend was half lying on top of him. Bracing himself against the mattress and Flynn’s chest beneath him, Yuri gave him a meaningful grin and gracefully gathered his hair on one shoulder – as Flynn rejoiced the weight of the other man’s body against his, Yuri slightly adjusted, defining the limits of the narrow space between them. His elbow sank in the pillow next to Flynn’s ear, the bend of his arm framing his head until the knight felt Yuri’s fingers gently brush his temple. Yuri apparently liked that, tracing imaginary geometrical shapes around them, delineating passing, narrow projects with their own bodies until they had a private place to call their own. Flynn kissed him, pulling him down; he kissed him deep and slow, cupping his cheeks with his palms to offer his own little contribution to the warm scheme Yuri had sketched around them. That gesture made Yuri exhale loudly, and hum as his tongue brushed Flynn’s lower lip, and once again smoothly joined him.

For a few minutes, the room fell silent – from the garden’s palace, through the open window, sparrows enthusiastically chirped like unsynchronized, silvery bells, their chorus a joyous and wild greeting to the venture of summer. In the warm enclosure of their embrace, Flynn’s ears filled with the sound of Yuri’s breath, the regular, hastening tempo of their overlapping pulses, the sharp rustle of fabric as they moved, the low, slick noise of their kisses. When Yuri’s leg gently drifted between his, wrinkling the sheets that covered him, Flynn feebly moaned against the other man’s mouth; he clung to Yuri and let him guide him, throwing his head back. Yuri slowly, even lazily rocked against him, placing moist kisses down his bared throat, along his jaw, softly biting his chin. Flynn let him, stretching to meet his moves, adjusting to that controlled, slowed down pace that was so much unlike Yuri. But as soon as things started to get pretty much heated, the guildsman retreated. He stopped, breaking the spell of their intimacy with a chaste kiss on Flynn’s lips.

            « What a preposterous resolve. Does the Commandant aspire to stay in bed all day?» he whispered, using his fingers to brush Flynn’s hair back before lifting himself up from the pillow. Flynn looked at him, at the way his half-opened shirt hung loose and showed a fair amount of his chest, at the tensed hollow of his tendons, at the fall of his hair as it spread out along his arm. More than that, despite how irreverent his language sounded, Flynn couldn’t really find it in him to ask him to stop – the ways Yuri’s deep voice rolled and molded those dignified, uncharacteristic words made something stir within Flynn, thrilling him as if they had been messing around with a dangerous, overly enchanted treasure chest.

« Doesn’t sound that much of a bad plan,» he finally answered, raising a hand to touch Yuri’s cheek, place his fingertips on his soft lower lip. The other man playfully dipped his teeth in the calloused flesh of his thumb.

« I must advise against it.»

Yuri pulled away, and the morning tepid breeze chilled Flynn’s skin as he lifted his weight from his chest. Flynn immediately sat up, grabbed Yuri’s wrist and dragged him back, placing a loud peck on his cheekbone. Yuri briefly laughed, tried to find his balance as not to fall in Flynn’s lap and decided upon straddling him. He braced himself against the bed’s headboard, looking down toward Flynn with his eyes half-lidded and his lips parted – again encircled in the space drawn by the other’s extended arms, Flynn let those eyes trap and bewitch him; Yuri’s gaze would never cease to have that mysterious influence on him, and Flynn was not quite interested in achieving  immunity. His hands wandered along his sides, savored the strong, straight lines of his waist and hips. Despite all of his protests, Yuri was kissing him again as soon as one of Flynn’s hands made its way to the dip of his spine, under the hem of his black shirt. Yuri softly groaned into the kiss, trembled under Flynn’s touch; he sat in his man’s lap as his thighs failed him – Flynn’s free hand immediately glided to the small of his back, his fingers splayed around his solid buttock and pulled him closer. Suddenly breaking the kiss, Yuri frowned and shuddered, his hips instinctively jerking forward in pursuit of more contact. Yet, when the knight tried to kiss him again, he averted his hazy gaze and  clicked his tongue.

« You stink, Commandant.»

« Must not be that much disagreeable, I gather, or you would have realized sooner.» Flynn’s voice was hoarse. Yuri’s knowing smile was back in an instant.

« That doesn’t mean anything in particular.»

« Want to drag me into the bathtub?» Flynn whispered, and kissed his cheek. His thumb eloquently traced the line of his throat, down his Adam’s apple to the well-defined hollow of his collarbone. « You could soak in with me.»

« That’s inviting and all, sir, but I had a different plan for today.»

As much as his body would have liked trying to draw Yuri into resuming their interrupted activities, that last suggestion alighted Flynn’s curiosity. He let the other go and looked as he sat next to him on the mattress, crossing his legs. He patiently waited for him to make his suggestion, watching him as he nonchalantly started brushing his long hair with his fingers.

« So? I’m all ears.»  

His face clearing from every trace of mocking mischievousness, Yuri’s smile shone with pure, expectant enthusiasm.

« Mind going on a ride with me?»

Flynn widened his eyes, a pleasant surprise slowly kicking in as he weighed Yuri’s words, their sound and the implications they hid. He remembered Yuri’s doubtful and wary face as he had mounted his first horse, holding the reins like they had been poisonous snakes and the animal between his legs a beastly fiend. He clearly recalled the terrified, not very masculine shriek he had let out when the animal had responded to his nervous kicks and had suddenly started galloping and neighing like mad. When he had followed him, and had retrieved him soaked and shocked on the bank of a brook, with his horse meekly grazing nearby, Flynn had laughed so much that Yuri had given him the silent treatment for a whole week after. Their last ride together had been at the beginning of his carrier in the Knights, when Yuri had been right at his side, wearing his uniform and armor and their promise as a shield. He could easily picture him, his long, way longer hair dancing in the breeze, his shape crowned with the deep colors of sunset as he waited for him in the fields – now graceful and full of pride, his back straight and his shoulders steady. Flynn clearly remembered what he had thought that day, before he had joined his friend and had led his horse to trot next to him: _You’re far greater than you think you are, Yuri Lowell._

As nostalgic as the suggestion sounded to him, and despite how eager to instantly accept it had made him feel, Flynn hesitated. His focus shifted for a moment, he remembered the pressure of Yuri’s fingers digging into the flesh of his hips as he straddled him, the sound of his voice, breathless. The muscles of his own legs stretching and contracting as Flynn took him in, a dying low moan filling his throat. His whole body shaky around Yuri’s warmth as they moved, filling the room with gasping sounds and the suffocated noise of their pleasure. The constant lingering uneasiness in his hips reminded him that probably riding wouldn’t have been the best of ideas. The brief moment of silence made Yuri place his chin on top of his palm, arching his eyebrows in a insinuating, cocky attitude.

« Oh, right. My bad, I suppose,» he joked. « Should I ask for the Commandant’s knightly carriage to take us around?»

« I can manage, » Flynn assured. «You ass.»

\---------

Their ride to Ehmead Hill was pleasant and less dangerous than expected. Rita and her fellow scientists had synthesized a durable repellent that kept away monsters for hours, something that they couldn’t get used to. Flynn had immediately commanded to equip the Knights’ horses with a fair stock of it, and that had made their expeditions safer and more frequent.

Since the very day the Adephagos had vanished from the sky and had taken the age of blastia with it, the entire scholar community in Aspio had asked the Empire for huge amounts of financing to develop new fields of research. The barrier blastia had kept people safe from monsters, but on the other hand had severely discouraged curiosity, the need of knowing, the drive to further knowledge and personal improvement – the spread ignorance and stagnation that seclusion had brought to the Empire’s people had been one of the major reasons of that very corruption that had made Illycia and the entire Terca Lumireis a place to be dreaded, not just for the menace of being attacked by monsters. That had been the main motive for Flynn to vigorously encourage the funding to Aspio’s academic activity – change needed the masses, and the masses needed assurances and encouragement to feel at ease in attempting changes. Achieving that little goal in making traveling and the spread of worldly news easier had been a small success – it had made Flynn feel like he had made a little step further in fulfilling the dream he shared with Yuri.

Mounting their horses, they rode undisturbed through Deidon Hold to Halure, which they reached in the late afternoon. In the Flower City Yuri asked for a room to be reserved for the two of them, so that, coming back from their destination, they could stay overnight and depart for Zaphias at the first sight of the next sunrise. It was a favor that the inn keeper granted them with pleasure. Yuri had apparently planned out the whole thing quite carefully – he had told Flynn to take a change of clothes with him so that they could spend the night outside the city.

It was quite a surprise to see him act in such a considerate, organized manner – Flynn had felt honored by all of that accuracy, at first, even fondly amused by Yuri’s strenuous efforts to make of his day off a pleasurable diversion from his daily routine. But as they rode out of Halure, Flynn started to grow uneasy. Even suspicious, in a way. Yuri had never been exactly the romantic type, to begin with – he hadn’t ever really cared about what they did, or where they were, as long as they had been together. Thinking of that unexpected outing as a sudden change of attitude, as if Yuri had meant it as a lovers’ elopement into the wild, was just a delusional way to project his own ideals on a man that had never made a secret of his dislike for that kind of sweetness. Flynn knew it was unfair toward Yuri to even suspect him of having ulterior motives, but something in Yuri’s countenance as they silently rode and reached the wood of Ehmead Hill had somehow alerted him.  

The aer explosion from the Heracles had left a big section of the forest burnt to the ground, but Flynn had ordered a new outpost built, so that his soldiers could monitor and ease the passage for unarmed civilians. They worked daily to keep the place as safe as possible, strictly following a  continuous patrol shifts schedule to get rid of monsters. Yuri did his best as not to be noticed by the Knights on duty – he led the way and sneaked into the thick vegetation as soon as they reached it. They silently rode in the bushes until the outpost’s few cabins were totally swallowed out of their sight. At that point Yuri dismounted, securing the reins to a broken trunk that had grown and had died along the winding road that led to the very top of the hill. Flynn hesitated – Yuri looked up at him and regarded his dubious, inquiring glare with a nonchalant smirk.

« Too sore to take a walk?»

Flynn’s eyes narrowed, wary. 

« Are you sure of what you’re doing?»

« Of course I am. Come on, trust me. The view is worth it.»

Doubtful, Flynn dismounted and proceeded in tying and hobbling his horse. He didn’t know exactly what that place meant to Yuri – they had never properly talked about it, even though Yuri had often shown an enthusiastic eagerness to share his journey experiences with him. But it _had_ to mean something, or he wouldn’t have bothered taking him there through a whole – yet very enjoyable – day of riding. With all of those unanswered questions floating within his head, confusing him, making him worry Yuri could be hiding something, he didn’t actually notice where Yuri was leading him. He followed in silence, minding his steps, hiking toward the top of the hill, and failed to pay real attention to his surroundings until he felt Yuri’s fingers tap his shoulder.

And as he looked up, he saw the ocean. It gleamed like a fluctuating, unstable sweep of little diamonds, rubies, garnets, golden sapphires and fire opals. It drank the dying rays of the sun as they washed over the sky and the spare, frayed strips of the clouds. As he stood on top of the hill, Flynn stared at the landscape with his eyes widened, made watery by the blow of the evening breeze. The rhythmical, low sound of the waves gently crushing against the rocks at the cliff’s feet reverberated all around him. It was just _magnificent_. It wasn’t his first time, he had watched the sun’s descent behind the horizon, plunging deep into the abysses of the sea, plenty of times. But something was different, now. Yuri moved a few steps toward the cliff, one hand against his hip, his sword dangling at his side, his boots rustling against the dew damp grass beneath. Flynn followed his movements with awe and a slight hint of apprehension, his fingers twitching in the sudden urge to feel the other’s palm pressed against his.

Yuri turned to look at Flynn, and the sunset cast its orange light all over him, along his shoulders and hair, dying his eyes in blood red and his pale skin in bronze nuances. Shining like the sun behind a deep bank of stormy clouds, Yuri smiled with his lips sealed and Flynn felt like he had just witnessed a marvel of nature. The scene erased every concern from Flynn’s mind – _Everything is going to be all right._ The glimmer in Yuri’s gaze spoke on his own – love, fondness, devotion, something deep and inexplicable. All of those feelings mingled in a single look, cut through Flynn’s soul and left him there, overwhelmed, waiting. Holding his breath, Flynn felt as if Yuri had chosen that very moment to make a confession, the most important of all – and the weakest, the most vulnerable part of him just hoped for words that could voice their mutual commitment, sealing their dedication to each other.

« I have one selfish request,» Yuri finally said, and Flynn’s heart raced.

« What is it?»

« Bury me here when I die.»

Words and thoughts left Flynn in the blink of an eye. Terrifying flashes of cliffs as steep as the one they were standing on filled his mind, the sound of splashing and empty water against mossy stones and the painful memory of the dread he had felt while he feverishly searched, and found nothing. The roaring of water bringing nothingness with it, gradually eroding a hole in his chest as it suggested never giving Yuri back alive or even a body to grieve over, leaving him with just a pale, excruciating memory of what Yuri had been to him. His muscles immediately tensing up, Flynn heard his own voice become thick. 

« I won't let you die before me,» he said, categorical.

Yuri arched his eyebrows, his face turning skeptical:

« You know better than me it _will_ happen.»

Flynn felt irritation and a fair amount of panic suddenly gush over like the growing, violent upsurge of Desieran sand storms.

« How can you be so sure?»

« I'm a reckless guildsman, remember?» Yuri smiled, a trace of bitterness in the cocky bend of his lips. « And I don't really relish the idea of attending your funeral either. I couldn’t stand seeing something like that.»

« Do you honestly think I could stand attending yours?» The words came out throaty, a palpable trace of agony in their accent.

Yuri briefly looked away, his eyes wandering to far places that lay beyond the vastness of the ocean.

« You’re the Empire’s Knight Commandant. You’re great, Flynn. You deserve a proper burial, an official ceremony, people recanting your good deeds and a gravestone constantly covered in flowers. You’ll end up in history books and children in the future will know your name and remember you.» He paused, his eyes getting a bit cloudy. « I want a peaceful place to rest in. I don't want strangers to be at my funeral. I don't want a funeral at all. That's why I'm asking you. I just want a grave only a few people would be able to visit. Not an obelisk or a marble gravestone with something pathetic written on it, _Yuri Lowell, Lower Quarter troublemaker turned out hero and a true knight at heart_. That’s bullshit. That’s for you, when I’ll be long gone already. I want a place that’s ours and not of public domain.»

Why had they ended up talking about that kind of thing? Flynn knew they were only humans, of course, and was ready to face death and deadly risks if his duty and intentions had led him to that. But Yuri was _alive_ , and had to keep living for the sake of the world, and for the both of them.

« I won't let this happen. You are not going to die before me. I will do anything to prevent that.»

« I don't deserve any special treatment from you, Commandant. Or your protection either. You’ve got more important things to take care of. »

« It has nothing to do with being the Commandant, Yuri,» Flynn found himself speaking up, his hands darting to grab his friend’s shoulder. « I will do it because I care about you more than anyone else. As Flynn.» He pulled him close, one arm wrapping around his waist to prevent him from escaping. He slowly feather kissed his cheek, and the gesture came out more anguished that he had originally intended. « If there’s something that scares you or makes you feel like your life is in danger, please, tell me. I’ll do everything in my power to support you.»

« You know I can perfectly well take care of myself,» Yuri retorted, giving him a glare that hinted at his pride slowly growing tired and a bit affronted by his concern. Flynn nodded.

« I know. That’s why I wish you would quit talking about dying. We promised to make a difference in this world, to fight alongside to change it. We still have a lot to do, and – you’ve done so much already, Yuri. I know. But I need your support to go on with my part of the deal, until the end.»

« You know I’ll be there,» Yuri muttered. « I’m not saying I won’t. As long as you want me there, I’ll be exactly where you need me to be.»

« That’s why you have to do the same. Tell me whenever you need me by your side and I’ll do what I can. Has something bad happened?»

Yuri paused for a brief moment, his eyes half closed as his mind clouded them with an ambiguous, dark-grey fog. Flynn had learnt to recognize that look, the way it made Yuri’s lashes flutter slowly, his gaze get blank and lost, his lips tensed up just slightly. When Yuri spoke again, his voice had softened.

« I might be in a place where you can’t reach. And for the sake of our promise, you would have to leave me there.» Flynn was sure those words had a deeper meaning, something that was intimately tied to Yuri’s very being. Something that he wouldn’t just bother trying to explain.

« Yuri, has something bad happened in Dahngrest that I don’t know about?» he insisted, his heart running in his chest as if it could have suddenly darted out, leaving him wheezing and in need of air. Yuri averted his gaze.

« Nothing in particular.»

« Are you sure?»

« Yeah.» He finally looked at him, frowning. « Anyway, I won’t let you come to my aid if that means taking blows in my place. Like that time in Zaude, you – »

« Don’t you _dare_ to talk about Zaude and accuse _me_ of recklessness.»

The move Yuri did to avert his gaze, this time, came out quick and nervous. He squirmed in Flynn’s arms, clearly aware of how cold and stony, and yet deeply desperate the other’s eyes looked as they laid upon him. Yuri grabbed the fabric of Flynn’s sleeve with his free hand, held it fiercely until his knuckles whitened. After a long moment of shared, troubled silence, Flynn felt the pressure of a shy stroke against his arm, and Yuri bit his lower lip as he tried to hide his discomfort. It was with a _huge_ exertion of his will that Flynn managed to find his self-control once again – for Yuri’s sake, in the greatest part. 

« I told you already,» he attempted, lowering his voice. « We were at Aurnion, remember? We will _make_ it work, for the sake of our promise.»

Yuri’s eyes shone in calm acknowledgment as he raised his gaze and met Flynn’s once again.

« I still think about that time, you know? You might have infected me with a bit of your optimism there, Flynn.»

« Then let me infect you some more,» he pressed forward and kissed his forehead, just a small peck asking for a bit of his faith. He _knew_ that denying death as a possibility, and not even a small one, for the both of them, would have been unrealistic. But after Zaude, when it came to _Yuri_ being in danger, when it came to picturing him dying, being unreasonable and idealistic was the only approach Flynn could stick to so as not to lose his composure. « I'm just sure that's possible,» he added. «We can do it _and_ _survive._ When our moment to leave this world will come, we’ll be old and we’ll be together as well, as always.»

After a moment of stillness, Yuri uncomfortably sniffled.

« Your sap is showing,» he scoffed, his lips twisting into a slightly disgusted pout.

Flynn raised a smile.

« You’re the one who woke me up with good-morning kisses.»

Yuri snorted. That sound broke the tension, and the words that followed acquired a particular, dark humorous undertone.

« But what about my burial, I still want a panoramic grave.» It was a relief to see the familiar cocky smile light up Yuri’s beautiful face. Had it truly been just a brief moment of weakness? Was it already gone? Was it? Yuri’s face was again unreadable, his smile impenetrable.

« Do you still want to talk about dying and graves on my day off?» Flynn sighed, his shoulders curving slightly as tension started to slowly, _warily_ lift from them. Why did he just _have_ to scare him like that? Terrify him for no apparent reason? There was _no_ reason, right?

« You're right.» Yuri nodded and slowly made his hand sneak on top of one of Flynn’s. He gently pulled it away from his hip, making their fingers intertwine. « Come with me. I want to show you something.»

Tired as if that brief discussion had drained all of his energies away in one single, violent blow, Flynn meekly followed.

« As long as it’s not a tomb,» he whispered. Yuri hummed, reassuring, and led the way down the hill, toward the western path.  Flynn held to his hand as if his own life depended on it.

He took them down the way to the sea – they went beyond the Knight’s outpost with no accidents; that kind of upset Flynn as that meant his men could be easily fooled by anyone; it sounded almost ridiculous, being caught slacking while their Commandant had been spending his free time nearby, in a stealthy, undisturbed inspection. Still that made Flynn feel quite relieved as well, because sneaking around with Yuri still managed to make adrenaline surge and energize his whole body – it made him hope that there could still be something, even for him, to connect to their past as Lower Quarter rascals.

Or at least, it would have, if only Flynn’s mind hadn’t been busy trying to dissipate his fears and convince himself that Yuri was not plotting something dangerous. A fair part of him just wanted to shove Yuri to the ground and put some sense in that damn head with the only language Yuri usually seemed to understand – another part, that one part that pulsed and agonized whenever he thought back about Zaude, just wanted to hug him tighter than ever and cry like an orphaned child. Yuri was his best friend, his family, he was everything he had ever needed – thinking of him gave Flynn strength. The idea of losing him still haunted him from time to time at night, a menacing shadow that promised loneliness, emptiness, a wound that couldn’t recover and would remain dormant, hurting, deep within his flesh. He could _not even stand thinking_ about it.

In the end, Flynn managed to suppress both of his impulses – he had no intention of starting a fight, nor to excessively show his deepest weakness – maybe there was still a way not to completely spoil the day’s mood. He fell silent, pensive, and Yuri didn’t try to make him talk.

Yuri took him near to the shore, approaching the seaweed covered rocks that clumped at the cliff’s base. He instructed Flynn to take off his belt and sword, and strip from his upper tunic and trousers. Those directions left Flynn confused and dumbfounded at first – he watched in silence, attempting a few protests, as Yuri calmly undressed, taking off his jacket and boots, placing his sheath and the small bag of their clean clothes in a dry, hidden hollow between the rocks. After a few moments of hesitation, Flynn stopped caring altogether and did as he had been told.

The end of the day had filled the air with a humid chill, but as Yuri led the way through the rocks and finally plunged into the shallow water, Flynn followed him and discovered the sea to be unexpectedly warm. Smiling, his hair half-tied up in a messy ponytail, Yuri took his hand again and made them proceed a little further. It was like swimming in glittering waves of fire, their touch washing over their skin and making it shiny, polished. Flynn had no idea of what Yuri was thinking, but it looked like something harmless, this time, and he compliantly tagged along.

They eventually reached a point where water got to their shoulders’ level. A smooth recess in the cliff’s steep wall sank under the surface and disappeared toward the sea bottom, the continuous swirling and curling of the undertow drawing irregular, darker shapes on the slimy stone. Yuri pointed at it, searching for Flynn’s eyes.

« Now hold your breath. We’re going under for a little while.»

Flynn slightly grimaced, but Yuri gave his hand a gentle squeeze underwater, where they were still connected. As Yuri whispered the countdown for their little dive, Flynn couldn’t refrain himself from filling his lungs and let the ocean gulp him down. He blinked underwater, his vision blurred and his eyes slightly burning – Yuri immediately pulled him toward the cliff, under the edge of the hanging rock, moving in slow-motion like a distorted reflection on thick glass. It took a few strokes, some fumbling steps in the exploding puffs of thin, light sand at his feet. When Yuri tugged at his hand, resurfacing, Flynn followed him immediately, and took in a deep breath of salty air.

As soon as his eyes adjusted to the new lighting, he saw stars. They speckled the walls and ceiling of a small cave, making it glow in a suffused emerald radiance that looked like an active aer krene. They were everywhere, they shone and crowded along stalactites and hanging rock protrusions like natural, crystal chandeliers. The cave was almost completely submerged, and the water level flowed around Flynn’s chest, engulfing him in a constantly pulsing light.

« They’re sea creatures,» Yuri explained, and his voice echoed, deep. « I was told they’re quite rare nowadays. They’re apparently the simplest living form still existing.» He paused, and got slightly closer, looking around. « Their blood has a high concentration of aer, or something. They live in dark places and that’s what makes them glow like this. I don’t know the details.» He hesitated, as if he had initially wanted to add something but had finally decided not to.

Flynn couldn’t find the right words to comment. Yuri had taken him there for a reason – to share that unique sight, to let him know how much he had grown, how much he could teach him, now that he had found his own pace, his place in the world. He felt his eyes getting teary and fought against it. What exactly made Yuri such a contradictory character? Bouncing from one limit to another with such ease, making him feel extremely happy and content a moment, and desperate, terrified, and angry the moment after? Just, _why_? Breaking into his confused considerations, Yuri splashed around and looked at him, expectant.          

« It’s amazing, isn't it?» Yuri's grin was an endearing mixture of satisfied confidence and affection. The tiny shimmers from the cave's walls speckled his face in small and colorful reflections, effusing his skin in pale cyan and emerald green, his wet hair floating and swirling on the shining fluorescent water surface. He looked like a rare jewel, the lost remnants and afterglow of crystallized aer, an induced arte where every other blastia core had lost his shine.

« Yeah, it is.» Flynn nodded, his fingers giving Yuri's a squeeze. His best friend and partner and lover hummed, and his dark cloud eyes soaked in translucent aquamarine delight.

« I bet you had never seen something like this before,» he murmured, his eyes smiling in something in between pride and excitement.  Flynn feebly smiled, and shook his head.

« You’re always full of surprises,» he said, and that earned him a playful blink from Yuri.

« It’s never fun without me, after all.»

Flynn laughed, faintly. He couldn’t just _start_ trying to grasp how deeply he loved him.  

There were places the other one would not be able to reach, or had not yet discovered - but some of them were places they still could try enjoying together. Their Terca Lumireis, the world they had devoted themselves to, thanked them for their dedication that way. The sound of water echoing in the cave as he swam closer, Flynn gently put his free hand on Yuri's hip and drew him near. He kissed his damp cheek, feeling his cold skin against his lips and the tiny droplets of water slide smoothly along his cheekbones and nose. Yuri narrowed his eyes and wrapped his free arm around his neck; his face bent slightly to the side to meet Flynn's mouth. He was salty, a flavor wild and fresh as it tingled against Flynn's lips and tongue. In the minutes that followed, with the dripping sound of water echoing, bouncing from wall to wall like the tinkle of a loose, rolling bead, that cave was theirs.

When they parted, however, Yuri’s gaze had something cloudy and dark overshadowing it. Flynn pressed his lips against the corner of his mouth, inhaling his scent, desperately hoping that his presence, his hands could just wash away every one of Yuri’s worries, and all the many secrets he still, stubbornly clung to, and refused to share with him. 

« You know you can’t see the future, right?» Yuri hoarsely whispered. Flynn winced. Something _was wrong_ , after all.

« Yeah. That’s why I want to live the present, _with you_. It will lead us there.»

« You’re such a naïve dreamer.» Yuri’s voice sounded bitterly amused.

« Maybe you’re right, I am. But I’m a dreamer at least as much as you are. My dreams are also yours.»

« They are, for sure.»

They stood in silence for a brief moment, looking at each other in the half-light of that cave – a secret, hidden sanctuary that still shone with magic and the dying reverberation of the past they were leaving behind. Flynn inhaled. If only Yuri just _talked_ , without him having to shout. He had reached a point in their relationship where he had learnt that pressing him for information wouldn’t lead anywhere. The only thing he could do without ruining everything, was to trust him.

« Don’t ever think about leaving me behind again,» he just said.

He pressed their foreheads together as he heard his own voice crack as if it was somebody else’s. He shut his eyes closed as both his hands made their way to Yuri’s back, holding him close, closer, until he could feel his pulse against his own chest. _Alive._ Yuri bent his arms around his shoulders, enveloping him in the tightest embrace they had ever shared. As Flynn finally kissed him again, chastely, his brows tensed in a deep, distressed frown.

_Alive._


End file.
